Sta.sh
(you can't tell the birds and the snow apart in the sky:
the grand church of dizzying space - )
and the trees are yellowed in cowardice, raking the sky
to the ground and around and around.
listen to your organs: the almost grand piano of the
churches i'd never attend.
and never mistake the courage of the sky for the cowardice
of the ground. never frown, never frown.
listen to your palms: the salty swing of the old snow
burning up on silk and splendor.
and visit the dying snow birds in their graves of the
ground, and they drown and drown.
(you can't tell the birds and the snow apart in the sky:
a grand church of dizzying space will reply. why. why.
would my white birds die.)
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"listen to your organs: the almost grand piano of the
churches i'd never attend."
I think that this is one of my most favorite lines in the poem. Really well done in that! New, daring imagery is what the world of poetry always lacks.
On the other hand, I felt that there were places that things didn't go as smooth as I expected them to be. Places like:
"and never mistake the courage of the sky for the cowardice
of the ground. never frown, never frown."
Which for some reason, the repetition in the second line, although working as a rhyme, does not seem to contribute to the reading and the experience of the reading. I mean, it felt as if it was there to fill a hole which a better solution wasn't found for yet, although this is not a good enough solution. I wondered what does the repetition serves, and I came up empty.
All in all the poem is really splendid, but I think that there are some places that still could be edited and worked on to sharpen the edges. Still, well done!
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