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Submitted on
December 14, 2011
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(you can't tell the birds and the snow apart in the sky:
the grand church of dizzying space - )

and the trees are yellowed in cowardice, raking the sky
to the ground and around and around.

listen to your organs: the almost grand piano of the
churches i'd never attend.

and never mistake the courage of the sky for the cowardice
of the ground. never frown, never frown.

listen to your palms: the salty swing of the old snow
burning up on silk and splendor.

and visit the dying snow birds in their graves of the
ground, and they drown and drown.

(you can't tell the birds and the snow apart in the sky:
a grand church of dizzying space will reply. why. why.
would my white birds die.)
my apologizes for the absence. and poetry at random intervals.
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Daily Deviation

Given 2012-03-07
l'hiver. by *nighttimebeautiful ( Suggested by Avallynh and Featured by wreckling )
:iconleoraigarath:
This is the kind of poems that makes my skin crawl. Beautifully written! Amazing usage of imagery -

"listen to your organs: the almost grand piano of the
churches i'd never attend."


I think that this is one of my most favorite lines in the poem. Really well done in that! New, daring imagery is what the world of poetry always lacks.

On the other hand, I felt that there were places that things didn't go as smooth as I expected them to be. Places like:

"and never mistake the courage of the sky for the cowardice
of the ground. never frown, never frown."


Which for some reason, the repetition in the second line, although working as a rhyme, does not seem to contribute to the reading and the experience of the reading. I mean, it felt as if it was there to fill a hole which a better solution wasn't found for yet, although this is not a good enough solution. I wondered what does the repetition serves, and I came up empty.

All in all the poem is really splendid, but I think that there are some places that still could be edited and worked on to sharpen the edges. Still, well done!
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:iconforpoetry:
ForPoetry Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You have been featured in a blog post [link]
Reply
:iconnighttimebeautiful:
nighttimebeautiful Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2013   Writer
thank you!!
Reply
:iconexistencewesummonyou:
ExistenceWeSummonYou Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
A poem! I've found found poem.

This could be taken as a bleak reply to a certain piece by Dickinson:

"Water, is taught by thirst.
Land — by the Oceans passed.
Transport — by throe —
Peace — by its battles told —
Love, by Memorial Mold —
Birds, by the Snow."

Anyway. It's good stuff.
Reply
:iconnighttimebeautiful:
nighttimebeautiful Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013   Writer
oh, yes, it could be :)
thank you! :heart:
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: [link] Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconnighttimebeautiful:
nighttimebeautiful Featured By Owner Jan 6, 2013   Writer
thank you :heart:
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:iconladyofgaerdon:
LadyofGaerdon Featured By Owner Dec 12, 2012  Professional Writer
:wave: Hi! Your piece has been featured as inspiration in #Lit-Visual-Alliance's Winter Alliance Contest article! Please :+fav: the article to bring more attention to the features and the contest. Thanks! :)
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:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2012
A beautiful piece. Wonderful job.
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:iconnighttimebeautiful:
nighttimebeautiful Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012   Writer
thank you :) :heart:
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:iconinthestarrynightsky:
InTheStarryNightSky Featured By Owner Mar 12, 2012
You're welcome. :aww:
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